The House of Nike
This Fall will see the world's greatest tournament captivate the inhabitants of Earth once again. The four intervening years between each World Cup are merely a countdown to these few glorious weeks of passion, joy, heartache, patriotism, and multicultural revelry. Nothing compares to it—not the Olympics, not even the Super Bowl.
Come November, all eyes will be transfixed on the Northeastern coast of the Arabian Peninsula. Current estimates expect nearly 1.5 million fans to follow their teams there, while 5 billion more are expected to tune in from across every continent.
From thirty-two countries they'll descend upon Qatar—squads from across the globe vying for a chance at ultimate glory. The Brazilians will be there donned in yellow with green trim and blue shorts, no doubt. The Argentinians, too, in their iconic light blue and white stripes. The Netherlands decked in orange. Croatia in their checkers. And while all team kits have yet to be officially released, everyone has a pretty good idea of what England, France, Mexico, Portugal, and Uruguay will look like once they hit the pitch. Each team will be armored and ready for battle in its classic colors and design. What about the United States Men's National Team (USMNT)?
After eight torturous years we're back on the world stage and ready to compete with a hungry young squad. We're feeling pretty damn good about our chances in the group, and the excitement keeps building as our first match against Wales draws nearer. So, what will we be wearing when we come face-to-face with the world's greatest teams? What have those geniuses at Nike designed for our grand return to the ball? Well, if the recent USMNT kit leaks are accurate, we'll be dressed up as fools. The home jersey is tragically dull and symbolic of nothing, while the away jersey is a blue tie-die surface of the moon monstrosity. So much for striking fear in the opponent's heart. How the hell do we expect to be taken seriously wearing that? Every sentient US fan, including the players themselves, hates these things. The leak has already inspired the circulation of Change.org petitions calling for a redesign. However, I'd find it justifiable if Nike were tried in criminal court for treason.
For USMNT fans, punching our ticket to Qatar was a stressful event. After the heartache of failing to qualify for 2018, we didn't care how we got there—though we would've preferred not to have gotten dos-a-cero'ed by Costa Rica in our final qualifying match—we just needed to know we wouldn't be missing out again. And with the Cup coming to North America in 2026, we didn't want the only reason we're in the tournament to be because we're the ones hosting the party. We wanted to deserve to be there. It was do or die, and our boys pulled it off.
The 2022 World Cup was the perfect opportunity to establish a long-overdue jersey identity for US Soccer. Nike wouldn't even have had to look far for inspiration since the people have already spoken loudly and clearly about the obvious move in this department. The 2012 Waldos should be the defining template for our classic home jersey. Period. No other home jersey in recent history has commanded as much respect and screams "U-S-A" as this one, and no competition means more than the World Cup.
This particular Cup also happens to come at a time when our national team players are kicking ass in some of the world's most prestigious leagues and clubs. Leeds United defeated Chelsea F.C. two days ago at Elland Road with a final score of 3-0. It was their first victory over The Blues in 22 years. They accomplished that feat with the help of three Americans—one scored the opening goal by pickpocketing the goalie, one was central in disrupting Chelsea's rhythm the whole match, and the other is the current team manager. For those not familiar with Premier League football and the promotion and relegation system, you should know that this is a huge deal.
In a post-match interview, Brendan Aaronson was asked what it meant to him personally and what it says regarding the talent in American football that US players are having success in England. "It just goes to show people around the world that Americans can play football too," he responded.
The USMNT means so much to so many. For me, there is no other team that means more. When those eleven players are on the pitch, nothing else matters. Politics, race, religion, gender, orientation, socio-economics—none of it. For those 90 minutes plus stoppage time, we leave our differences and disagreements behind and stand together as one. I’m talking genuine E Pluribus Unum shit here. This team transcends sport and deserves a kit worthy of what it represents.
US soccer fans, let's send a message. Do not buy these jerseys. Wear an old one, make something yourself or buy a t-shirt if you must make a purchase, but do not buy these fucking jerseys. And when the next pandemic hits, Nike can assist by restocking grocery store shelves with a breathable recycled polyester toilet paper alternative.