PUUUUTOOO

Tensions were high last night as the United States Men’s National Team faced Mexico in the CONCACAF Nations League final. Still, in a rare display of intuited understanding between the two longtime rivals, fans on both sides apparently agreed that the common tongue used to abuse each other would be Spanish.

After Gio Reyna scored in the 63rd minute, making it 2 to 0—the scoreline that haunts every El Tri fan being shown on every screen inside AT&T Stadium in Arlington, Texas—U.S. fans emphatically began chants of dos a cero. Meanwhile, with dimmed hopes of pulling off a comeback and undoubtedly multiple levels of inebriation beyond the BAC limit, Mexico fans began their retort. With each Matt Turner goal kick El Tri aficionados let it rip: puuuuutooo! After numerous warnings over the stadium speakers asking fans to refrain from using the chant, officials stopped the game twice and commentators on both English and Spanish telecasts communicated their obligatory default reaction of disappointment. Yet, the media and unacquainted masses have it all wrong regarding this chant. 

In Mexico, the word "puto" has so many meanings that it would require a Carlinesque tutorial to explain thoroughly. While considered colorful language in all its forms, the most popular uses of the word translate to fucker, asshole, slut, buddy, and coward. Yes, another use of the word is meant as a derogative term for a homosexual man, though the idea that Mexican fans are shouting the equivalent of "faggot” when attempting to taunt the opposing team's goalkeeper is just not accurate. The entire Spanish-speaking world knows this is a misreading, and fans of the Mexican national team have made the argument repeatedly. So why has the taunt become associated with a homophobic slur, then? Well, probably for the same reason Latinx was pushed down our throats for years. The perpetually offended decided that they didn’t like something and made a loud enough and consistent noise until they got their way. 

The former president of the Mexican Football Federation (FMF), Yon de Luisa, was quoted as saying, "It's not the intention with which you shout or with which you chant. It's how the other [people] receive it." De Luisa continued, "If anybody feels it's a discriminatory act, then it is not something that we should include in a conversation. That is no longer a debate. If it is discriminatory, we should avoid it."

Bigotry and discrimination are unacceptable, but taking offense due to deliberate misinterpretation is not a trump card that should be allowed to make false assumptions true. Nor should it stand to reason that no matter how wrong one is, he should never be challenged lest the challenge itself be conflated with hate speech. The answer can't always be that the offended party is automatically always right—end of discussion.

As seen and documented in every World Cup, Mexican national team fans are immensely passionate. They also have one of the most wide-ranging and quirkiest senses of humor you’ll encounter. They're both the life of the party and the most embarrassing drunks and sore losers around. If you want a reason to dislike El Tri fans, you have plenty, but this taunt isn’t one of them. Besides, the worst thing officials and sanctioning bodies could do is attempt to ban the chant and grant disgruntled fans so much power to influence the game, particularly when their team is losing.  

You don't have to be part of the crowd that screams out puto. But you're not a freedom fighter just because you have no idea what you're talking about.

Three Years On

Remember.

Remember what those first few days and weeks of the COVID-19 outbreak were like. It’s been three whole years since the coronavirus outbreak was officially declared a pandemic and the world came to an abrupt stop.

By April 2020, we were all deep in the thick of it. Friends and families had been separated under lockdown for weeks; trafficless streets and highways felt eerily post-apocalyptic; grocery store shelves lay empty; rising infections, deaths, and an unclear r-naught dominated the news; global healthcare systems were nearing collapse or collapsing despite the tireless efforts of frontline workers; and societal fissures became full-on amputations as differing ideologies clashed. Meanwhile, no one knew exactly how bad things were going to get. Nothing was certain anymore as the future took on an ominous shade.

Italy was being particularly ravaged by this time. Hospitals were overrun and the mandatory closure of all non-essential industries, along with a complete lockdown of the country in mid-March, had left the perennially-busy vias of la Repubblica virtually deserted.

It was under this shroud of uncertainty that the great Italian tenor Andrea Bocelli performed “Music For Hope” in an empty Duomo de Milano on Easter Sunday, April 12, 2020. The 30-minute concert was livestreamed across the globe offering a message of love, healing, and hope through music when it was needed most. Nearly three million viewers tuned in live, and within 24 hours the concert had reached close to 30 million views. I tuned in alone from my living room.

Bocelli would sing four songs inside Il Duomo accompanied by only an organist before making his way out to the cathedral steps for a final hymn. What followed was a rendition of Amazing Grace that will forever be emblazoned in my brain as the soundtrack of that time—perfectly encapsulating the wistful yet hopeful spirit in all of us.

There were many elements that made the live stream performance so moving, but concluding the concert with Amazing Grace was the work of genius. Hearing Bocelli sing the iconic refrain from John Newton’s hymn given his personal story—Bocelli was born with congenital glaucoma that reduced his eyesight before he became completely blind after a football accident at the age of 12—further dampened already welling eyes.

I will remain forever thankful to the production crew and Maestro Bocelli for the gift of this concert.

See the whole concert if you like or go directly to minute 18:12, crank up the volume, and imagine yourself watching this live along with millions of others across the globe in 2020. I feel strongly it’ll be the best five minutes you’ve invested in some time.

The House of Nike

 
 

This Fall will see the world's greatest tournament captivate the inhabitants of Earth once again. The four intervening years between each World Cup are merely a countdown to these few glorious weeks of passion, joy, heartache, patriotism, and multicultural revelry. Nothing compares to it—not the Olympics, not even the Super Bowl.

Come November, all eyes will be transfixed on the Northeastern coast of the Arabian Peninsula. Current estimates expect nearly 1.5 million fans to follow their teams there, while 5 billion more are expected to tune in from across every continent.

From thirty-two countries they'll descend upon Qatar—squads from across the globe vying for a chance at ultimate glory. The Brazilians will be there donned in yellow with green trim and blue shorts, no doubt. The Argentinians, too, in their iconic light blue and white stripes. The Netherlands decked in orange. Croatia in their checkers. And while all team kits have yet to be officially released, everyone has a pretty good idea of what England, France, Mexico, Portugal, and Uruguay will look like once they hit the pitch. Each team will be armored and ready for battle in its classic colors and design. What about the United States Men's National Team (USMNT)?

After eight torturous years we're back on the world stage and ready to compete with a hungry young squad. We're feeling pretty damn good about our chances in the group, and the excitement keeps building as our first match against Wales draws nearer. So, what will we be wearing when we come face-to-face with the world's greatest teams? What have those geniuses at Nike designed for our grand return to the ball? Well, if the recent USMNT kit leaks are accurate, we'll be dressed up as fools. The home jersey is tragically dull and symbolic of nothing, while the away jersey is a blue tie-die surface of the moon monstrosity. So much for striking fear in the opponent's heart. How the hell do we expect to be taken seriously wearing that? Every sentient US fan, including the players themselves, hates these things. The leak has already inspired the circulation of Change.org petitions calling for a redesign. However, I'd find it justifiable if Nike were tried in criminal court for treason. 

For USMNT fans, punching our ticket to Qatar was a stressful event. After the heartache of failing to qualify for 2018, we didn't care how we got there—though we would've preferred not to have gotten dos-a-cero'ed by Costa Rica in our final qualifying match—we just needed to know we wouldn't be missing out again. And with the Cup coming to North America in 2026, we didn't want the only reason we're in the tournament to be because we're the ones hosting the party. We wanted to deserve to be there. It was do or die, and our boys pulled it off.

The 2022 World Cup was the perfect opportunity to establish a long-overdue jersey identity for US Soccer. Nike wouldn't even have had to look far for inspiration since the people have already spoken loudly and clearly about the obvious move in this department. The 2012 Waldos should be the defining template for our classic home jersey. Period. No other home jersey in recent history has commanded as much respect and screams "U-S-A" as this one, and no competition means more than the World Cup. 

This particular Cup also happens to come at a time when our national team players are kicking ass in some of the world's most prestigious leagues and clubs. Leeds United defeated Chelsea F.C. two days ago at Elland Road with a final score of 3-0. It was their first victory over The Blues in 22 years. They accomplished that feat with the help of three Americans—one scored the opening goal by pickpocketing the goalie, one was central in disrupting Chelsea's rhythm the whole match, and the other is the current team manager. For those not familiar with Premier League football and the promotion and relegation system, you should know that this is a huge deal.

In a post-match interview, Brendan Aaronson was asked what it meant to him personally and what it says regarding the talent in American football that US players are having success in England. "It just goes to show people around the world that Americans can play football too," he responded.

The USMNT means so much to so many. For me, there is no other team that means more. When those eleven players are on the pitch, nothing else matters. Politics, race, religion, gender, orientation, socio-economics—none of it. For those 90 minutes plus stoppage time, we leave our differences and disagreements behind and stand together as one. I’m talking genuine E Pluribus Unum shit here. This team transcends sport and deserves a kit worthy of what it represents.  

US soccer fans, let's send a message. Do not buy these jerseys. Wear an old one, make something yourself or buy a t-shirt if you must make a purchase, but do not buy these fucking jerseys. And when the next pandemic hits, Nike can assist by restocking grocery store shelves with a breathable recycled polyester toilet paper alternative.

2022 - ???

It’s probably safe to say that from now until doomsday 2020 will be the year we remember as fondly as an unsedated colonoscopy. So, imagine when I came to realize that for me 2020 was only the amuse-bouche of a dinner service featuring 20lbs of shit crammed into a 5lb bag as the main course called 2021.

The pandemic caused many of us to reevaluate our lives. We found ourselves analyzing our goals, values, and in large part how we wanted to spend whatever time we had left on this (or any other) planet. As a result, whether by choice or by force we all shifted in some way. Some changes were long-lasting while others proved to be temporary and soon reverted back to their pre-pandemic state. However, the biggest chunk of things most likely stayed the same and among them were some very important things—things we actually wanted to change. But as the dust settled, dulling the edge of our newfound impetus, we ended up placing the most enlightened of our epiphanies sheepishly back on the old dawdling shelf to once again be ignored.

As tragic as this past year was it served one key purpose; it demanded I reexamine my previous findings, drove me to dig even deeper for more, and spurred me to actually reprioritize my life in real actionable ways.

A year, a hyphen, and another year. That’s our life. We’re born, we die, and that hyphen in between represents our entire existence. If I’m successful in my efforts I’ll get some good quality miles out it. The best miles of my journey yet to come.

I suppose it makes sense that some good would come from such a dark and shitty time. After all, new life does sprout from the foulest manure. Happy New Year to all.

“It’s better to be the head of a chicken than the tail of a bull (phoenix)” -Chinese Proverb

宁做鸡头,不当凤尾

TONY: The Movie

In my world it didn’t get much cooler than Anthony Bourdain. His presence posed a direct threat to all the saccharine sweet, eager-to-please, yes-men and women clogging up the airwaves. Tony celebrated the unappreciated and overlooked. He was a champion for the strugglers, the downtrodden, the voiceless, and at the time of his passing there seemed to be somehow less hope in world. I genuinely felt that in his absence culture, travel, food, and frankly humanity would slip into a dark venal place without him to check the evildoers and balance the scales. His distinctive voice has been woefully missed.

While many know him (often exclusively) through his TV shows—phenomenal as they were—they are not his greatest work. That title belongs to the handful of books he left behind.

Fair reader, even if you should have an ambivalence toward food or have the palate of a glossectomy patient, I encourage you to read his books if only to bear witness to what masterful storytelling is like. I tell you, there is a special kind of joy to be experienced when a person who shares your inner most thoughts and vices puts them down on the page so damn eloquently; each sentence articulated in that unique voice of his studded with cigarette butts, charred meat and soaked in beer and punk rock.

When I first caught wind that a Bourdain film was in the works I was pissed. How dare someone make a film about Tony without consulting me? And didn't they know that I was writing the script for the movie based on his life? Who were these rotten opportunist bastards!? Then I found out it was a documentary and my anger abated – somewhat. This was precious subject matter we were dealing with. Then I discovered who was behind the production and I warmed to the idea even more.

Roadrunner: A Film About Anthony Bourdain opens in theaters across the US tomorrow. I’ve purposely stayed away from reading any comments or reviews about the film—I want to dive head first into whatever Morgan Neville has conceived. If done right many people will see a side of Tony they may not of known was there prior to the suicide unless they had been paying close attention. His body of work provided clues of his torment—his darkness. One of my absolute favorite writeups on Tony was this piece by Maria Bustillos in which she burrows deep into Tony’s psyche by way of his fictional literature. Bustillos manages to make just enough of an incision on the exoskeleton so as to allow the reader a peak into his fragmented soul. I read somewhere that Tony himself read the piece and thought it to be unnervingly too on point.

So what would’ve Tony thought if he knew there would one day be a documentary about his life? Well, he’d probably be somewhat embarrassed and tar and feather the notion with that classic self-deprecating humor of his: “How much did you spend on this film? Dude, bad investment.” Though Tony had a downright scholarly knowledge of film. He gushed over his favorite cinematographers, directors and scriptwriters. However, first and foremost he was an ardent cinephile. Something tells me that if Tony were secretly alive today he’d find his way into an old movie house—hoodie over his head, no popcorn—and like many of us, just hope to enjoy a good film.

My Father's Keeper

 
1614713834218-78952bea-680f-40f8-9a70-fbb0b1b90198.jpg
 

Even now my dad looks so handsome to me. It makes sense as I see him lying in bed clean-shaven, eyes closed with his comfy black shirt on why some members of the family came to call him the Mexican Pierce Brosnan (Jack Nicholson in his younger days)—a nickname he would greet with a coy affiliative smile, but one I’m sure made him feel pretty damn cool. He’s completely bedridden now. The massive tumor compressing his spine spanning five vertebrae made sure of that—a final departing blow delivered before being ripped out. And while his frame has withered significantly, his hands—listless and balmy as they are now—seem as huge as ever, full of a concealed vigor and strength that could hammer a stubborn brake rotor off its wheel studs at any moment. “You have piano player hands,” my dad would tell me (he’d say the same to my sister). “But they’re big and strong too, I can tell.” Though I often hold his hand in hopes of transmitting some sort of comfort his girthy mitt still somehow seems to be holding and protecting mine.

Diffuse Large B-Cell Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma—that, we would come to learn, was the name of the demon that took residence inside my father’s body when the diagnosis was made official in April of 2020. It’s news no one ever wants to hear, but for obvious reasons the timing could not have been worse. And after six grueling rounds of week-long PICC line-delivered chemotherapy treatment, cytarabine lumbar injections, an additional round of chemo, targeted radiation, and a very invasive spinal surgery to remove a rogue metastatic tumor all during a time of overrun medical facilities with highly restrictive no-visitors-allowed policies, in-home hospice is where his journey has led him.

For those unfortunate enough to have personal experience guiding a loved one through hospice this will come as no surprise, but for those who haven’t gone through the ride I’ll just say this up front: this die-at-home stuff is absolute misery manifested.

Of course, each family’s home hospice experience will depend on several factors (e.g. type of illness, presence of comorbidities, mobility limitations, people available to help out, etc.), but all roads will invariably lead to the same destination.

Dying at home is quite an appealing concept. To pass away in your bedroom surrounded by loved ones while a team of medical staff and palliative care professionals provide daily in-person checkups, medications, and the equipment you’ll need to expire with “dignity” sounds wonderful, right? In reality it’s a front-row seat to your family member’s painful and tragic decline. It’s a journey down an abyss of physical agony and powerful opioid-induced confusion that, whether you’re religious or not, leaves you wishing for some sort of divine power to grant an act of mercy.

Experiencing this devolution firsthand I really cannot blame anyone for placing their loved one in an inpatient hospice facility. But that was never going to be an option for us. Despite our best efforts we never did manage to find a caregiver to help lighten the load during the early days and it made no sense to continue searching after a while. There are a whole lotta tasks family caregivers find themselves providing that don’t exactly fit within those 30-45 minutes that the hospice nurse is on location so it would’ve been really nice to have had an extra pair of hands. There very likely will be irreparable yet to fully be determined battle scars left on all of us, but as my father nears his final days I’m glad now that it was my siblings, mother and I that cared for him. At times of alertness he’d thank us for everything we were doing. Even now through the thick veil of his suffering this appreciation is clear.

One thought this experience has brought to the forefront of my mind and embedded itself deep within me is the obvious fact that we’re all going to die someday. And unless you’re lucky this is what death looks like. I simply do not have the emotional bandwidth at the moment to process that my mother too is mortal. So, she’ll just have to live a hundred more years and in turn I’ll make sure to hug her tighter, kiss her more often and tell her I love her every single day.

By the way, my father is the biggest advocate for Moms I have ever known. He cherished my grandmother and he would often say: “Nadie en este mundo te va querer como tu mama. Ella te trajo a este mundo. Cuidala. Apreciala. Porque como la madre, solo hay una.” Rough translation to make sense in English: “No one in this world is going to love you like your mother does. She brought you into this world so take care of her and appreciate her because in this life there’s nothing that can compare to a mother’s love.”  You’re absolutely right, dad. And it takes one hell of a man to know it.

Note: This was written on Monday, March 1, 2021 as I sat by my father’s bedside. I planned to go on, but shortly after finishing the last sentence with one hand—the other was always holding my dad’s—my father began to draw his last breaths. I called out to my mother and she rushed into the room. We both held on to him as he gently passed away at about 12:34pm.

The last 36 hours have been beyond draining and emotional so I’ll have to save my eulogy for a later time. Maybe a different forum. Perhaps my journal. But I love you dad. You were the best father a son could ever have and if I’m a good man today it’s because you taught me how to be one. I needed you here for a few more decades. I wanted to hear more stories about what your life was like when you were young. I wanted you to be around for so many important milestones that were further down the road. We were so fortunate to have you, but this wasn’t how it was supposed to end. Perhaps the one who said it best was my 9-year-old niece: “I love grandpa, he can’t be gone. I didn’t just want him to be here when I was little. I needed him to be here when I was big too.” I know, baby. We all did. I miss you dearly and the pain right now is just a bit too much to bear so I’ll have to leave it at that. It’s just past 12:30am now so I’m going to bed, pop. I’ll be seeing you in my dreams. Please visit me often.